This week has been a challenging one for our little homeschool cooperative. We experienced some group conflict as a result of diving forward into the new year without a clear set of guidelines for how we’d make group decisions or resolve disagreements. A seemingly simple decision over an upcoming festival turned into two meetings, then three, then phone calls and long conversations, some confusion and disagreement, and even a few hurt feelings.
It’s so natural for conflict to arise in groups, and particularly in a homeschool cooperative environment, where each of us is so fully invested in our children’s education; discussions naturally bring out big emotions. But we were unprepared for the conflict and are still working through it.
So, why am I bringing this up on the day after Thanksgiving? Well, as we are working through this conflict, it has made me feel so grateful that I am in a community that welcomes conflict as a way to meet people’s deep needs, process emotion in a healthy way, and ultimately, to bring us closer together. Many of the people in this community are highly trained in communication and conflict resolution, and I learn from their example each day.
Since it is such a big part of the homesteading and homeschooling community of which I’m a part, I thought I’d share some of the tools that are in active use in our community:
- Tools for understanding one another, like the Enneagram
- Tools for heart-opening, such as Naka-Ima or Solsara
- Tools for communication, such as Non-Violent Communication
- Tools for resolving conflict, such as Restorative Circles
These are just a few tools that exist for communication, and as a community, we’re still learning to use them skillfully. It can be easy to default to avoiding conflict because of the uncomfortable feelings that it might bring up. But as we work together to create interdependence, especially in such a rural area, where we truly rely on one another for many needs, it feels so important to dive into this work, no matter how scary or uncomfortable it may feel. (And believe me, sometimes it feels mighty scary!).
Today I want to share my gratitude for living among people who encourage me to face my own fears of conflict, and to grow as a communicator.
This post was shared at From the Farm Blog Hop
I recently had a discussion with someone about my desire to homeschool and yet wanting my kid to be around other children at the same time. It was then that the idea of a homeschool cooperative was brought up- and it is the very thought of conflict and disagreements (and having to communicate through them? Oh, my!)- that holds me back. Thank-you for the links on the tools which you implement in your cooperative. I will be investigating.
I hope all gets resolved and you can move forward. Thank-you so much for sharing with us!
Erin
http://yellowbirchhobbyfarm.blogspot.com
Hi Erin,
Thanks so much for your message. Yes, it can be a little overwhelming to navigate a homeschool cooperative, primarily because those of us in our group are homeschooling because we want to be in the driver’s seat of our children’s education, so to speak. So to have to compromise on something that feels very near and dear to our hearts is very difficult.
But I can say with assurance that it is also very rewarding. Our group is made up of people who were friends before we began our co-op, so it’s perhaps a bit different than starting with strangers, but when our kids are singing together or running around and playing together, it feels like a true community.
Our differences around this particular issue were talked through (quite a bit!) and we will have a larger discussion around group decision-making in January. I really recommend is having guidelines about decision-making and conflict. If issues are allowed to fester, then the group may start to splinter. Bringing them out into the open is much healthier!
One thing that we came to in discussion is that we don’t have to make EVERY DECISION together! What a new concept! We were trying so hard to be inclusive and cooperative that nothing was getting decided! So one possibility that we are considering is having different members be in charge of different things.
I’m sure I’ll be posting on this topic in the future!!
teri
Oh, man. This has gotta be tough. Navigating a wide range of personalities always is. But the end result is *usually* so much deeper and better then what you started with.
Good on ya’ for going the distance on this one. It will be rewarding in the end.
I think so too, although it has been challenging! But ultimately it is good to go through this process together.